Wednesday, 31 December 2014

WHY I HATE LONG DISTANT RELATIONSHIPS. PART 3


THE POWER OF Words & redirection of feelings


When you don't have time to spend with each other and the communication link is weak, something bad is bound to happen. There is bound to be a redirection of feelings. The light that was once bright and strong becomes dim and weak. You gradually don't feel the urge to see them again or have anything to do with them anymore.

Yes, love is very vital in a relationship but your presence is much better and more effective. You may not love someone so much at first but as you see the person more often and get talking, you will realize that you will start developing feelings for that person. When you are far apart, there is a 97% chance that your partner's feelings will no longer flow towards you. And if it does, it won’t be as strong as it ought to. Men are quick to redirect their feelings away from their women when they are far away from them. But women are very unpredictable on this. A woman’s unpredictability can never be predicted. Let me explain.

When you are in a long distance relationship, there are certain rooms you open up to outsiders that would not have been opened on normal circumstances. A man is easily moved by what he sees per time. A man will still be in love with a woman that is far away but will redirect his emotions towards the person he sees frequently. Mostly because of her curves and physical appearance. A man's emotions are not built to stand for long. But women survive on it. And emotions and feelings don't just pop up for women, they are built over time with just one powerful tool: Words.

Words are like seeds. And the most powerful place to plant them is in a woman's heart. Women need to be talked to all the time. They need to be reminded of the same thing almost every time. That you love them, they are the best and they still top the chart. Not because they forget but because it is in their nature. The reassurance (and actions too) are their emotional sustainability pills that their man MUST give them. Or else they break down.

No matter how powerful you think you love her or she loves you, when you're in a long distant relationship and you're not present to say stuff you're supposed to say to her, she will open the door to listen to another person. And note this, no matter how 'unqualified' that person is, if he has even 40% of words, you can and will loose your woman to him. It will only take time. And since you're far apart, he has that advantage. Don't ever think that she will remain faithful to you after listening to words that make her melt inside. Not for long. She can stand and maybe pretend for a while but as the seed begin to mature, she'll see you as a 'wrong choice'. This is what happens when you're in a long distant relationship.

And for the ladies, there are tendencies that a guy will redirect his feelings towards another girl when you're in a long distant relationship. The eye is the quickest way to a man's heart. But the ear is the fastest and the most effective way to get to a woman's heart. Why do you think women easily fall for players? Simple. They have one secret weapon: Words. Don't be surprised that when you're in a long distant relationship, your lady falls for a known player. Is it that she doesn't know he is one? Wrong bro, she does. And don't be taken aback when he falls for a girl that is less beautiful or less educated than you. It was the eyes. The more he saw, the more important she became. My point? Why allow such things happen when you can avoid them before the even take place? Avoid staying apart as much as possible.

Let me tell you a little true life story. I had a wedding to attend with a friend of mine one Saturday. After dressing up, she came out of the house and she was really looking very beautiful. In my usual way I said 'Wow! You look beautiful. You're earrings really do bring out the spark in your eyes. I'm going to go everywhere with you so no one steals you away from me'. The response I got that day was priceless. She lighted up so bright that it affected me too. I was smiling too.

'Really?'

'Sure'.

'You don't mean that. You're just flattering me'

'Believe me girl, you look gorgeous and any man that doesn't agree with that should have his head checked'

And then she shone even brighter. But all of a sudden she became so blue that I became confused for a while. When I asked why she was like that, she said 'my ex wasn't one who made good use of his words. He never complimented me. Anytime I dressed up and asked him how I looked, he would say nothing. And if he said something, his usual sentence was always 'You are ok'. And to make matters worse, we lived in different cities. That was one major reason why we had to break up'. That was when it hit me, and I rediscovered the power of words. It is so powerful that it redirects feelings faster than lightning.

So there you have it. Your relationship CAN NEVER be the same when you're in different cities or very far away. Don't get me wrong. There is a probability that it might just work out fine but the chances are slim.

Self-discipline and focus can help you go a long way. But the ugly truth be told. We all have limits. Don't wait until you break before taking necessary measures. Your relationship can work when you're far apart. But it stands a better chance when you're physically with the one you love.





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Thursday, 25 December 2014

THE MISINTERPRETATION OF CHRISTMAS


Have u ever wondered how 25th December came to be called Christmas Day? Was our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ born on this exact day? How is drinking, partying and going naked in the street a sigh of Christmas? How are things so ungodly and dirty represent Christ who is without sin? Why can't Christians just stop and think for a second? Must people get drunk on 25th December all in the name of Christmas? The sale of alcohol and other alcoholic drinks triple this season. How is that a good sign? 

People go to carnivals and there one gets to see naked women and men walk around, dancing and having 'fun' during Christmas. Where in the bible did God say we should do this? Where did God in the bible say we should bring in foreign gods and celebrate the birth of the savior of the world, His Son Jesus Christ? The bible says 'His glory He will share with NO man'. Have you ever asked the origin of these gods and culture before participating in their retrials and traditions? 

Christmas tree, reindeers, Santa, and carnivals. How really are these things connected to Christmas. God is not an author of confusion. The bible, His Word, is absolute and true. So if anything we do isn't supported by His Words, then it's wrong and we should disregard it.

Now, make researches about these and know the whole truth about Christmas. Then you can decide for yourself what you involve yourself with.

- the origin of Christmas 
- the origin of Santa
- the origin of reindeers during Christmas.
- the origin of carnival
- the celebration of the sun god. 

Study to show yourself approved. Do have a nice holiday as you spend it with your loved ones. We at Kiss Diary pray that God's mercy and grace NEVER EVER depart from you. We love you. Remain blessed and be a blessing.




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Wednesday, 24 December 2014

WHY I HATE LONG DISTANT RELATIONSHIPS, PART TWO


COMMUNICATION ISSUES

So many people have broken up because of this. Communication is very vital. The more you talk to yourselves, the more you understand each other.

In a relationship, there MUST always be a constant flow of communication. When you assume 'he knows what to do' or maybe you conclude 'she's big enough to take care of things', then you're creating a divide between the two of you. Never assume your partner knows everything. No one has that grace. One of the ways you can benefit from a relationship is by knowing what the other person thinks. Remember, your minds can not become one, no matter how close or intimate you are with your partner, except you communicate and think alike.

Don't be lazy in your thought pattern. Assumption is a mental laziness. It makes you not to think. It makes you to neglect the 'why' factor. Communication eliminates assumption. Ask questions. Know their feelings. You're not in a relationship for personal gains. You're there for your partner's happiness. And one of the most effective ways to know what makes them glow and blossom is communicating with them.

All these things are very effective when the person is near. But when he/she is far, it may not be as effective as seeing the person face to face and discussing on a one-on-one basics. When you're far apart, you may not communicate as effectively as you would when you're together. There are certain things that shouldn't be discussed on phone or via social medias. People have now so misinterpreted and watered down the true essence of relationships that everything is discussed on social medias. You now see couples fight and curse on their partner's walls and post annoying pictures on their timelines. That is not reasonable in any way.

Don't wait for your partner to bring up a topic before you discuss on it. Always be ahead of the relationship by productively discussing about ther feelings, dreams and visions. Life decision discussions shouldn't be discussed on social network platforms. It should be a face to face thing because actions speak louder than words.

People always think that 'talking' is the only form of communication in a relationship. No! That's just one way. The most effective way is through body language. You may be able to picture your partner's response when you talk on phone or chat on social networks but your success is ALWAYS limited. That's what long distant relationships do to you.

So my advice is, stay together so that your communication skills and pattern will be very productive and your relationship will grow. Remember, no matter how well you think you know your partner and how well you think your relationship is growing, there is always a better way. And communicating one-on-one with your partner as frequently as possible is the best way to attain a happier relationship.



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Monday, 22 December 2014

WHY I HATE LONG DISTANT RELATIONSHIP part 1


I hate long distant relationships. It has more than 85% chance of not surviving. People don't really understand that it's not healthy for two people that are in love to stay away from each other for so long and so far apart. Some think love is all that matters. They think that because they are in love, that everything will work out fine. But the truth is that love is NOT enough. You can be in love but other factors can hinder your desired happiness in that perfectly planned relationship. 

These are the reasons why I don't support long distance relationships.

NO TIME

Time is more precious than gold in a relationship because it's a very powerful determinant. What you would usually do with the one you're dating any day would be what you would have to plan for. You don't need to plan for everything in a relationship. Most things need spontaneous response. Even when you plan and meet and you have like a week to do all the things you said you would do, then what? You'll have to wait another 'full moon' to do those things again? 

Special moments are suppose to be shared everyday. It's not the money that goes into the planning that makes it special. It's the people you share it with. Special moments are not measured by time. They are a product of that special one. Believing that something is special makes it special. And the time can be every time, depending on your level of creativity.

So, time is so very important in a relationship. Remember, time can't be timed. Having more time for your partner keeps your relationship alive. If you know there won't be time, then don't start the relationship at all.



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Tuesday, 16 December 2014

PERSISTENT FATHER IN-LAW

I've known Mathew for quite a while now. We're in love and our families are happy with the fact that we'll be getting married soon. But I have a challenge somewhere.

Mathew's dad has been pestering me for as long as I can remember. Anytime I go to the family house, he would always sweet talk me and offer me money and gift. And I've always refused. He keeps saying I'm not wise Whenever I refuse his gestures. That I don't know anything.

I use to think he was just saying those things to see if I really loved his son but now he's coming all out, telling me he wants to sleep with me. He's become so bold that he would sneak up and touch me in places I don't want to be touched. I've tried everything I know I can do to make hi stop but he's still persistent.

I don't want to tell Mathew because I know what will happen then. A lot of things will go wrong. I don't want to split their relationship because they're close. And I would have talked to his mom but I'm also scared of the outcome.

His persistence is becoming unbearable and I don't want to snap. 

Saturday, 13 December 2014

LARA McKING: EPISODE 6. BROKEN



My head felt so heavy. I could swear little bush men were in there chanting war songs and banging their drums so loud, I felt the walls vibrated to the rhythm.


‘What happened?’, I had asked Debby.


‘You passed out’, she answered.


‘Why? What happened?’


Debby helped me up and I sat down on the sofa.


‘Are you ok miss Lara?’, a little voice asked. When I looked up, I then remembered why I fainted. The pretty little girl and the very pretty Adora.


‘I’m so sorry miss Lara, maybe . . . ‘, the lady said.

‘Please don’t!’, I stopped her. ‘Deb, please take me home. I've had enough drama for one day.’ I stood up and Debby stood too.


‘Miss Lara wait!’. The very pretty one called out. But I was already outside the apartment.


I couldn’t believe I was such a fool. I blame myself. But why didn’t he tell me. I felt so stupid. I was dying for man that didn’t even have my best interest at heart. I really wish he was not married. If wishes were horses, Lara would be riding on one now to meet Jack. But that may never be. Or should I say it will never. Not with a wife and kid. As we drove home, I couldn’t help but cry. Why do I alsways have to be so unlucky?


Debby tried all she could to make me happy but she knew she wasn’t making any progress.


‘Are you sure you don’t want me to stay the night?’, she asked.


‘Deb, I’ll be fine. I’ll see you at work tomorrow’.


‘Sure you will be ok?'.


‘Debby, I’ll be fine’.


‘You’re sure?’


Yea Debby. I’m sure. I’ll see you tomorrow’.


‘You know what? Take tomorrow off. I’ll take care of things at the office’.


‘I need to . . .’


‘You need to rest Laly. Ok’.


‘Thanks dear. Good night’.


‘Night dear’.


That night was one of the worst. I couldn’t sleep. I cried most of the night. Jack called me several times but I refused picking his calls. If I was an employee in the company, I would  have resigned and left the state. Maybe the country.


I hearad a knock on my door. It was my mom.


‘Laly, whats the matter? Are you crying?’, she asked with such concern I couldn’t hold back the tears that came rushing down. ‘Are you ok?’ she came over to the bed and sat by me, hugging me.


‘Mom he’s married!’ I couldn’t hold it back anymore.


‘Who is?’


‘Jack’


‘The one in your office?’


‘Yes mom. He never said anything about his wife and kid. How could he do this to me?’


‘I’m sure there’s an explanation for this. Why not talk to him first and hear what he has to say’.


Mom I can’t’.


‘But you should. Hear what he has to say first. If you still want to forget him, then you go ahead’.


‘You think so?’


‘I know so Laly. Let me tell you something my dear. In a relationship, communication is priceless. Withoit it there is no relationship. Don’t be too quick to jump into conclusions. A wise woman analyses situations before she makes decisions. She goes for what she wants. Be strong. If you really are in love with him, you will find a way to make it work. It wasn’t easy for your father and I you know. But here we are today. So crazily in love that I thank God all the time for bringing him my way’. Then she kissed my forehead and hugged me even tighter.


If only I could have half the love my parents share, I would be contented. They are so in love that at times I get confused when I see them display their affection, wether within the walls of our home or publicly. I always prayed and belived that someday I could experience such a love that breaks through the boundries of material things. But now I wonder if that dream was just an illusion. cried the more as these thoughts came to my mind. Mom cleaned my tears and held me closer.



 

TWO DAYS: THE McKING’S MANSON



My cell phone rang so loudly that I thought it was saying ‘Pick me up or I won’t stop ringing!’. And God I love that song. But this morning just hurt me because it reminded me of Jack. I changed my ringtone to this song because he said it was his favorite. My mom was already up, making breakfast for my dad I suppose. 

I didn’t bother to see who it was because I knew already. It was Jack. But my curiosity got the better part of me. I managed to get my phone from beside the bed. It was Debby. She had left me more than a dozen massages. Before I could say ‘Lara McKing’, my bedroom door opened and there she was.


‘I am the mighgty dragon slayer’, she said. Holding her purse up like a sword. I have come to free you from the dragon’s keep. Have no fear my lady. For I will slay a thousand dragon if I have to. But first my lady, what’s for breakfast? A dragon slayer can not slay a dragon on an empty stomach’.


I couldn’t help but laugh. This girl was so crazy and she knew how to make me smile even when I don’t want to.


‘My Lord, A worrior doesn’t need to eat before going to battle’, I said to her.


‘What? Then that warrior has no regard for human life'. We both laughed. 'So nice to see you smiling again after two days.


'Two days? Has it been two days already? Oh my God!'


'What? You didn't notice? You see why I prefer advance physics to love? Love is so complicated'


'Yea it is'. 


'Has he called?'


'He's been calling but I've refused to pick'


'You should talk to him you know'


'Yea I know. But I'm not ready to do so just yet'.


'Yes you are. And you're doing that now'. Debby said and took my cell phone.


'Debby please don't. I don't want to talk to him'. 


'Come on Laly. You can't remain like this for ever you know. You'll need to face him one way or the other. Ok, I'll make you a deal. You want to hear my terms?'


'Your terms?!' I asked Debby. My face displaying confusion.


'Yea. My terms'.


'I hope it doesn't involve me loosing another bag to you again'.


'Don't worry. This time you'll be the one to gain something'. She said with an innocent smile.


'Me? Win you? I doubt it'.


'Oh ye of little. Just believe'.


I thought for a while. 


'Ok. Let's hear it'


'Now listen carefully. I . . .'


'Don't do that. I hate it when you do that'. I interrupted her.


'What? Why?'


'You know why. I know you too well. You're trying to trick me. You just want to confuse me so that I'll think I'm actually the one having the upper hand here. But it's you'.


'Lara McKing, I hate it when you're too smart for me. You make me feel bad'. She gave me that 'it's not fair' face. 'But you know what? I'll try not to play you this time. Remember I said try. That's far from a promise'.


Laughing 'Debby, when will you change? But all the same I have no choice. Have your fun while it last'.


'Young lady, I always have my fun. That's the advantage of being Debby'


'Now tell me, what's the deal this time?'


'It's like this. If you talk with Jack, I'll tell you about Fred'.


'Fred? Who's Fred and why should I be interested in hearing about him?'


'Oh Lara McKing! You would really love to hear about Fred. Trust me on this one'.


'What if it isn't worth it?'


'Then I'll give that bag to Delilah'


I was shocked. Giving that bag she loved so much to Delilah? Then this was a story worth hearing.


'Ok Miss Debby. After much consideration, I have decided to agree to the terms and conditions. Let's wait till he calls then'.


'Oh he will. You just wait'.


As we chatted away, I was getting stronger emotionally. Was really grateful I had her. 


Then my phone rang. Yea, it was Jack. Debby, pick the phone from the bed and handed it over to me. Jack wanted us to meet. He wanted us to talk. 'What else does he want to say?' I asked myself. He wanted me to have dinner at his place.


'Your place?! Are you out of your mind?!'


'Please Laly, after that you can make your decision. Please' he begged from the other end.


'Give me one reason why I should agree to have dinner with you'. 


'Because I fixed your tire'


'A lot of men would have done that'


'Yea but none chose to. But I did'


'And I remember saying thank you'.


'But I didn't thank you enough for giving me the opportunity. Please just have dinner with me and if you still don't want to see me again, I won't bother you again'.


I loved Jack and I wanted to see him more than anything. But he wasn't going to get me that easy.


'Ok. I will have dinner with you'. 


'Thanks so very much Laly'.


'When?'


'How about tonight? Is that okay?'


'No. It's not. I'll be busy'


'Ok. Tomorrow night then'.


'Tomorrow is fine'.


'Can I come and pick you?'


'Don't worry. Debby will bring me'. See you later Jack'. And I dropped the receiver before he could say another word.


I wasn't sure If I wanted to go but I was more curious than ever.


'Come on princess. Let's pick a dress for your date'. Debby said, dragging me out of bed. I was beginning to get my strength back.





JACK'S HOUSE


Debby and I just stood in front of Jack's house. I wondered what I was going to find out tonight. And even wondered more about Fred. Who was Fred? I had a lot on my mind.


'You should be late today Miss Lara', that little girl said again as she opened the door. She was looking radiant.


I had not the slightest idea what I was going to meet tonight. The gun went off and my heart started racing. To make things worse, Adora came to the door to meet us and she was looking even more beautiful.


'Come in ladies. Please'. She said.


Then I froze. 




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Thursday, 11 December 2014

MY BOYFRIEND IS KILLING HIMSELF


I'm Chinwe. My boyfriend drinks beer like a fish. He would drink like his whole life depended on it and would end up throwing up everywhere.

He was not like this. In fact he never liked alcohol. This problem started when he started going out with some new set of friends. They have a particular spot they drink and it has become a lifestyle. Sometimes I even go to the place to drag him out so I can take him home. His friends don't like me for that I hate them like hell.

I love him and I don't want him to die before his time. Anytime I raise the topic about him disassociating from his friends, we end up 'fighting' (not physically though). I don't really know if my efforts are yielding fruits or not because he seem not to see the dangers ahead of him. Nowadays I sleep more in his place than I do in mine because I'm afraid something bad might happen to him in that state.

Emotionally I'm not doing any better because seeing him hurt himself this way also hurts me. I've really ran out of ideas. 


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Wednesday, 10 December 2014

WHEN YOU FALL IN LOVE



For whatever reason, our bodies seem to be programmed to fall in love when the weather is warm and everything outside is in full bloom. Whether your feelings are requited or not, be sure and revel in them. Sometimes, just the feeling of falling in love can be all the inspiration you need to help pull you out of a rut.
You don’t have to act on your lovey-dovey feelings. Crushes are likely to pass, so try not to be too vexed if you or the object of your affection is unavailable. If one of the things below is happening to you, just try to enjoy it.
And if it isn’t happening to you now, remember how it happened to you the very first time you fell in love.

1. You forget to eat.
Forgetting to eat means you’re not only distracted, but that you also want that person more than you want food, so you forget all about it.

2. You catch yourself smiling.
A little love in your system can surprise you so much, you can’t help but smile. It’s half because you feel so good, and half because you’re laughing at yourself.

3. You can’t look at the person.
Suddenly, it’s impossible to hold a decent conversation with the object of your affection, because you’re afraid if you look them in the eye, they’ll be able to tell you’re melting for them inside.
A good trick: talk to their forehead.

4. You think about them when you’re getting dressed in the morning.
Don’t pretend you’ve never done it. You start analyzing whether he or she would like the blue shirt better, and putting a little more effort into your hair. No harm done!

5. You realize you miss them when they’re not around.
If you’re used to seeing the object of your affection at work or class and then one day they’re not there, you’ll feel like your whole day was wasted.

6. You get jealous about odd things.
You find out they saw a movie last night or maybe they were at a party and now you are enraged. Why didn’t they think to invite you? Who did they go with? Your ears turn red as you try and mask your jealousy.

7. You’ve pictured what your children would look like.
Oops! I know I did.

8. People say you’re glowing.
The feeling of being in love is physical, and like laughter, it can have healing, rejuvenating benefits. This is one of the reasons it’s okay to revel in your feelings, even if they’re for the wrong person — just don’t make any stupid mistakes.

9. YOU'VE SUDDENLY BECOME AWARE OF CERTAIN THINGS
Male or female, you start becoming unnecessarily neat and careful, especially when you’re with him or her. You keep your apartment neat and tidy in case they might come over — these are definitely signs you’re falling.

10. You can’t concentrate on work.
Maybe even as you read this article, you’ll glance and realize that half an hour has gone by. That’s because you’re daydreaming. And you are in looo-oooove.




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